The Diet of Fear

Yesterday my appetite came back.

I have not been hungry for nearly 2 weeks, and any food I've eaten has mostly been out of obligation. I haven't been hungry, but I really should eat something. Over the past 12 days I've lost 10 pounds! Woo-hoo!

This is a big deal, as one of the reasons I'd sought the doctor in the first place was because of my weight. I'd spent 8 months working out with a trainer 3-5 times per week. I did not gain a pound, nor did I lose a pound. then, when we moved to our new city, I stopped working out. Again, I did not gain a pound, nor did I lose a pound. This defies logic and reason.

An hour before my surgery, I was ready to eat my own hand, I was so hungry. 12 days later I finally felt hunger pangs before a meal and managed to eat 1/2 c. of chicken casserole and 1/2 c. of steamed vegetables before I was full. That's it.

And immediately the fear started.....how much will the scale shoot up tomorrow? How long until my appetite begins to rage out of control? How long can I stave off the two lasagnes STILL in my freezer, waiting to be eaten? My body has been content on so little for the past 2 weeks. Now that I've gorged myself, what effect will that have! Gorged myself? On less than one cup of food??? When have I ever said that??

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On a lighter note (Ha! Ha!), things are finally starting to fall into place. Our days are beginning to have a routine again. We started back into a light day of school this week. Mostly the extracurriculars: AWANA (socialization class), piano, swim team, math (math is my favorite, and is easy to slip in every day), and Bible.

Swim team started last week, and Braden is working on building his stamina after a month of no swimming. He's doing pretty well, and seems to be enjoying himself. His group swims at the same time as the senior and age-group elites practice, so it's fun to watch the beginning swimmers practice alongside them.

Yesterday I was surprised at how, um, mature the high school swimmers looked. I kept watching them thinking, "These guys are in high school?!?! They look like adults? That guy there is definitely shaving. High school?"

Did we look like that in high school? I look back in my mind's eye at the kids I went to school with, and the boys are all still baby-faced. Did any of us look like adults?

It won't be long until my boys are high-schoolers. They will look like men (or at least be trying to), but they will still always be these sweet, baby-faced little boys that I know now. I have loved every stage of being a mom, from babyhood to whatever stage we would call a 10 year-old now. As much as I miss leaving a stage behind, I know I'll enjoy the next one coming. I only hope that being the parent of an adult brings as much joy as these early years do. Thankfully I have a while before I need to find out.