What’s this? A Christmas present? How fun!

Hmm… there’s no gift tag on it.

Let’s peek inside, shall we?

Oh, my! It’s a mummified chicken!

Remember the chicken that the boys and I mummified in October? Well, it’s been on our counter, drying in salt-filled Ziploc bags since then. On Friday we removed the chicken from the salt for the last time, and wrapped him in cloth strips. The strips were coated in a glue-and-water mixture, not unlike papier-mache.

After drying on our counter (and with a little assistance from my hair dryer), our chicken mummy was finished!

“But wait,” you say, “You haven’t explained why your mummy is in a gift box.”

True. Well, last night, M. and I attended a Christmas party for a friend of his from work. The invitation told us to bring gifts for a white elephant gift exchange. M., being the relatively sane one, took a wrapped lame CD/DVD combo. (A Kenny G. Christmas CD and a “Look Who’s Talking Too” DVD)

Me? I wrapped up the chicken mummy. I sprayed it with Febreeze to mask any smell, and it worked surprisingly well. Note to self: Write to the Febreeze company– “Thank you for helping me keep my chicken mummy gift a surprise. The Febreeze left no telltale odor to give it away!”

I also included this note:

“Congratulations! You are now the proud owner of a mummified chicken. Your white elephant gift will last for years to come.”

I can tell you’re all wishing you’d invited me to your Christmas parties. Fear not, dear readers, there are still several more days until Christmas and my evenings are (mostly) free. Make your reservations now.

I was giddy with excitement over this gift, but was a bit nervous too. This was a party where I knew nobody. I’d met the hosts once before, and coincidentally there was a second couple there that I’d met previously. The other 25 people were strangers. As people started opening gifts, I was getting worried. Nearly every gift was a serious gift: lotions, ornaments, etc. Even the used items were nice-ish.

Fortunately, the gentleman who opened the mummy had a great sense of humor, and couldn’t believe what he’d received. When he read the card aloud and held up the mummy, the party roared with laughter. Afterwards, people kept coming up to check out the mummy. What a lucky guy!

The chicken mummy is probably at the bottom of his trash can this morning (his wife was, shall we say, less than thrilled), but for a few shining moments this chicken was the belle of the ball.