No Harm Done

Monday, March 05, 2007

This Boy Will Never Date

This was a banner day for Braden. I don't know that he realized it, but I did.

Today we met with the orthodontist for our first consultation regarding the braces-that-are-to-come. The good news is that he won't be needing any appliances today (although they did offer.) The bad news is that he will be starting treatment sooner than hoped, and that we will very likely have two children in orthodontia at the same time.


During lunch I played a new CD by Kristen Chenoweth. After a few songs, Braden asked if we were listening to the soundtrack from "Wicked." (Sidenote: If you have never heard the soundtrack to this Broadway show, run, do not walk, to Best Buy and pick it up!) I was impressed, and explained that this wasn't the "Wicked" CD, although Kristen Chenoweth is the actress in "Wicked," so that was why he recognized her voice.

The capper, though came during Braden's haircut. He had been shaggy-haired for several days, and I was impatient and admittedly distracted in my hurry to get his haircut over with. I wasn't paying attention when I put the on the clipper guard. It wasn't until after the first swipe with the clippers and I saw a flash of blindingly white scalp that I realized what I'd done.

I'd used the wrong blade guard.

I had just given my son a partial reverse- mowhawk.

Can you see it? The picture does not capture the striking whiteness of his scalp. The stripe went from the nape of his neck clear up to the crown of his head. There was no way to hide this. No way to blend or camoflage it. Oohhhhh..... I was so ashamed! Poor kid!

I froze in horror and stared at his scalp and tried to figure out what to do. How do you fix this without giving the poor boy a buzz-cut? A buzz cut would be acceptable in July, but in March? Puh-leaze!

I threw a hat on Braden and we raced to a walk-in place that Mrs. G. recommended. The kind lady there neither laughed nor mocked me. (Bless you!) With a straight face, she told Braden that it wasn't so bad, and that I'd done the best thing by not trying to fix it myself.

Twenty minutes later, Braden left with a passable haircut. Closely shaved on the sides, and longer on the top. I think it makes him look... taller. We drove straight to swim team practice, and I stuck around until the other boys on the team started commenting on his haircut. By the time I heard him tell them, "Yeah, my mom was trying to cut my hair....." I was almost at the door.

It occured to me on the drive home that Braden, with glasses, braces, a thorough knowledge of show tunes, a love of all things Star Wars, and a mother that should never, ever be allowed near his hair, is doomed. Perhaps I have not given him the best foundation for life.

I am going to start praying for his future wife now.


At 8:24 AM , Blogger Donna Boucher said...

Oh Hillary,
You really are funny!

I think you made a really wise choice by going to the barber!

There is nothing wrong with a sweet boy.
They make sweet husbands :o)
And he is learning to be forgiving and tolerant. (of you) he he
Two more good characteristic for future hubbies :o)

At 9:58 AM , Blogger Hillary said...

Thank you, Donna, for the nice comment. You are absolutely right. Braden is learning qualities that will someday bless his wife and children.

And he will be able to regale his family with gay tales of "Life With Mom" for years and years to come. (I'm picturing him telling stories around the kitchen table, his wife rolling her eyes and the kids holding their sides with laughter. "What?! Daaaaaad, did that really happen? Grandma Hillary did THAT?!"

At 10:10 AM , Blogger Donna Boucher said...

My boys tell stories about me all the time!
I am famous in Omaha Nebraska!


At 9:22 PM , Blogger Frankie said...

Oh gosh, this made me laugh out loud literally. I'm so glad you were able to get his hair professionally fixed.

About three weeks ago my husband, who has never had a professional haircut since I've known him -- 20 years -- asked for a cut. I did the exact same thing! Put the wrong guard on.

I said a bad word and scared him. I asked him what he wanted to do and he said skin me entirely. So I did. And...he LOVES it. WHEW!!!

I am so thankful I am not the only one that put the wrong guard on.

At 7:44 AM , Blogger Dy said...

Wow, see, you're so much cooler than I am. I did that to James this last time, but I just kept going, and he ended up with a rather floppy high-and-tight. It's longish on the top, and fretfully short on the sides and back. He took it in such good stride.

I LMBO at the imagery, but have to agree w/ Donna. He's learning so many wonderful things. The girl who can get past the few decorative quirks is going to find a true man among men. What a joy he is!



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